The sex issues being experienced by many couples is not exactly a sex issue.
Unfortunately, many husbands believe when it's go time, lie down, penetrate, thrust and be out when done.
The problems raised by this approach are made worse when the wife also decides to keep quiet about it in the name of trying to be a "good wife".
The quality of sex is affected by the things you do while at it as well as the things you do while not at it.
For instance, sex with a husband who rarely makes the wife happy will not be as amazing as it can be.
I have heard several men also talk about it like it's a punishment tool for a wife they are not happy with. Go rough and make her feel pains through bruises from dry thrusts.
Take a second to think about what's just been said, and you know something is really wrong. The emotions are wrong.
Everything from empathy to care to attention to details etc matter in having an amazing time.
Indeed, there are people who'd tell you kissing is a waste of time. Caressing is off, just thrust and go.
Wife: If I talk he will suspect me of having an affair.
Suddenly you realise, sex is the least of their worries. There's communication and a lot more.
If you like an act or style but cannot say you like it as a wife, how do you expect the husband to know to do it again? If he leaves this to do things you don't like and you still nod on, how will you have it amazing?
In the end, you hear people talk about never experiencing an orgasm and you wonder how that even happens.
This is a major part of it.
The pleasuring is in the beautiful thoughts they have of you, the sexy mental image of you to follow, it is in the respectable way you treat the spouse, the care for the spouse, the attention to the spouse, the security you make them feel.
Beyond these, it is in the not so little, little things like the smell of you, the look of you, the feel of you, the sound of you including moans and gentle screams.
It is in the action taken and the manner of taking it. The gentle touch as desired, the rough pace when demanded in the heat of the moment.
Sex is a uniting, a binding with your spouse and more times than not, the things that make it amazing happen before and after the sex.
Aphrodisiac? Yes, you think of that and you will get results of sorts but in the log run, what it does is deny your body of discovering the erotic explosion it is capable of achieving. It's like making you pay for 2/100 so that you can forget the 99/100 you can get for free.
So, perhaps before you get yourself worried excessively over quick ejaculation, you should try to look at the state of affairs and the approach to the overall sexual system in place.
No smiles, no laughs, no plays, no deep talks, not too many things in common, dwindling attraction and we expect a cloud 9 ejaculation or orgasm? How will that happen?
How will a wife give her all when she's spending half the time imagining you thrust someone else?
These are serious issues affecting many of us. Hopefully, we can pick a thing or two from this that we need to work on.
By Shamsideen Giwa (Relationship coach)
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